Reaching new lows

I have recently achieved some new lows in my life, and since they were so amusing to me, I thought I'd share. Feel free to express the awesome wonder and amazement that these milestones deserve.(Side note--you may or may not know that Ryan and I run a not-so-small-anymore mistletoe business out of our home during the holidays. That MAY have contributed slightly to the below.)

1. Old dirty=new clean. I walked into the kitchen the other day, and actually said out loud, "Wow! My kitchen is so clean!" That's because I had done some dishes earlier and was now only ONE day behind on them instead of two, and there was some clear space around the sink that shone out among the other counters filled with business papers, still-not-put-away dry groceries, and random unfinished projects.

2. A good night's sleep. In the midst of all the mistletoe craziness, Maya decided to get sick. One night she got up several times crying, and the next night I finished business up at 1:15 and was closing my laptop as Maya started to cry, and then throw up. She and I were up until 3:45. Finally the next night I slept all the way through from 1 to 6:30 and woke up feeling SO WELL RESTED.

3. Free time? Yesterday I finally had a few minutes where I didn't have to be doing, thinking, breathing mistletoe, and my first thought was, "Yes, some free time! I can go do the dishes!!!" I'm not sure which is scarier: the fact that I now use my free time to do dishes, or that dishes have become such a low priority that doing them is considered a luxury.

4. My new babysitter. We're pretty strict about screen time around here...usually. Let's just say that having Maya home sick instead of at the babysitter + Mom has more work to do than ever = Maya is now talking to Diego on the TV, since he's the most responsive human being she can find in the house.

5. Not-fast-enough food. When the workers at your local fast food joint start to recognize you, that is NOT a good thing. Oh, by the way, how many servings of veggies do you think I can count on a taco? Two, right? Lettuce (1), tomato (2). I'm probably good for the day, yeah.

6. Friends forever. I might have had other friends before--I actually can't remember--but I do most of my socializing at the Post Office these days. My mail lady visits me every day at my house, I have to drag Maya out of the Post Office because she's so busy flirting with all our new best friends behind the counter (who know both of us by name), and the postmaster and I have each other on speed dial.

7. Exercising my right not to exercise. I may cry here, so I'll make it fast--10 weeks ago I did a triathlon that I was extremely well prepared for (at least an hour of training, 6 days a week). The last time I worked out was...over a month ago? I can't believe I'm admitting this in public. New low, truly.

8. Low-giene. Let's just say a day I shower before 3 pm is a good day.

9. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...at other people's houses. No offense, but all your guys' blog posts about your Christmas decorations and fun family holiday activities are sinking me lower and lower into a black hole of self-pity. We finally threw up a few decorations last weekend, I have about five presents purchased, and we might get a tree this week. Might.

10. What blog? Two months since the last post...you may want to send my mom your condolences--she's so disillusioned she's actually stopped pestering me about posting new stuff.

Lest you think I want you all to feel sorry for me, I really just wanted to put a funny spin on the temporary stress I have going here. No worries, I'll feel better when we clear out our PayPal account--cha ching! And since I did bring this on myself, I just need people to laugh with me (or at me, whichever you prefer)--so don't show up to help me clean my house, or I'll show you to the garage and put you to work out there!